hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize