It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
