Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Randomize
