remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
