best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
