if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
