people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
