In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
