I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
