If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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