Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
