the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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