he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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