We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
