somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
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Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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