What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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