do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
