hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
