just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
babies were throwing up all over the place
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
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He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
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It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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