can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
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