Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
is it fun? or sober?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
