There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
