What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
