The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
