Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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