shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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