i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
