i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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