Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
