I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
