I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
