nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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