we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
