I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
