i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
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From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
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my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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