Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
