He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i was born a porn star she said
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
