I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
