Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
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