I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
