reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
