but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Mom said you looked used
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
