wakey wakey hands off snakey
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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