Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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