I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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