god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
