I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
