i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
