A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
