hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
