Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
These tits shall not be calmed
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
