Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
