Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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