Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
