You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
