the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
