if you like me you must not know who I am
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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