just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
